Yaya Crisis

There is now a serious shortage of people you can trust to become your children's yaya, (that is Pinoy term for nanny.) The term yaya has another meaning in Filipino which is "to invite." Some parents with nasty yaya experiences equate the world yaya with an invitation to disaster. Para ka raw nagyaya ng poproblemahin.

First problem is where to look for one. You search for relatives in provinces who may know somebody who's `willing to try' the job. Or if you're brave enough, you can try agencies.

Most of the people who will be referred to you are young girls, whom parents can no longer send to school. So beware. These children and their parents will not hesitate to lie about their real ages. We were able to hire one and immediately sent her back because she is undeniably a child, and we don't want to be accused of child labor. We told them that we're hiring a yaya for our child and not a playmate.

Your next choice will be young women, but without the necessary experience in this kind of work. Some are trainable, but most of the time, they are the eldest of the brood whose training - if you may call it that - is way below your expectations. So train them closely, otherwise you will be surprised to find out that she is mixing your child's diapers with their own underwear during wash days. Or she refuses to use the sterilizer for your child's milk bottle as their mothers assured them that putting salt inside the bottle and shaking it furiously will scare bacteria.

Your other choice are the veterans. Young women, mothers of three or five and young lolas with nothing to do. They will claim expertise of the job, and these will surely lure you into believing that she's it. They will brag that they've worked as a yaya before, and how close they were with Junjun or Kisses. But you should ask, and please don't forget to ask, why they left their previous jobs. (If they begin by maligning their previous employers, sprinkle her with holy water, and the monster will reveal her rue self.) No, don't do that please.

There are setbacks in hiring a young woman as your yaya. They are vulnerable to the charms of pedicab drivers, family drivers and construction workers in your subdivision. They are also prey to the informal afternoon grouping of yayas and maids who regularly meet at the park or to watch a TV taping, movie shooting in your subdivision -- with your kids in tow.

Mothers who are forced to leave their five kids to help you rear your child are often haunted by the urge to check on her own babies everytime your child says thank you to her. They will call and they will text. They will call at the wee hours of the morning, crying and making you feel that you're one abusive burgis. They will text their children while pushing your child's swing and stroller to stuntkid's possibilities.

Or if there's an urgent compelling need, like a serious fight between her two sons over a toy that might forever strain their relationship as siblings, they will ask permission to go home. They will promise to come back as soon as her family is okay, and they will never be okay. Prepare to be subjected to several forms of emotional blackmail that will only stop until you say yes.

Hiring young grandmothers with nothing to do are also risky. These people already have a concept on how to take care of your children. She also effectively assumes the self-assigned role of the `governess' in the presence of younger househelps. Another problem will be sickness associated with age. You will call yourself heartless upon seeing that old lady as old as your nanay taking out the trash.

It's really a hit and miss affair, but mostly misses.

I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME

People say there is a reason to mistrust anyone above 65 years old who hang around with children 7 years and below. Especially flamboyant ones who don a mix green and purple, and who whispers I love you, You Love to just about every kid he meets in the park.

But I tell you, in all honesty, i trust Barney.

Barney helped us in making the education of our daughter Andie an enjoyable experience (for her and for us too). At two she's already capable of identifying the primary colors. She can count from one to twenty, but honestly with a bit of dagdag bawas. Barney is also crucial in the values formation of children, like encouraging kids to share, express their anger, taking care of animals, reading books, creating and being responsible.

The episode I'm most thankful for is the one that encourages kids to create. One time we were at the toy store, Andie decided to take home a finger painting set and clay doughs. I thought that was a one-time fascination of being able to copy what's on the TV. But it turned out to be something she loves to do. Now our regular mall day is highlighted by a visit to Powerbooks, where she paints plaster of Paris molds of butterflies, bears and hearts. She then takes home books that she wants us to read for her before we sleep.

All these thanks to Barney.

Barney is also credited for a lot of things, including an alleged part in the US campaign against terrorism. It is said that the Barney theme is used to pressure suspected terrorists to confess by locking them up in a room and playing "I love you, you love me", until the suspect reveals kept secrets or their ears bleed to death, whichever comes first.

Sadly there are parents who believe and publicly profess that Barney is evil, and they're not just trying to be funny. There are parents who claim that Barney is interfering with the way they are raising their children. Or that Barney undermines their own values and views of the family life. Some goes so far as criticizing the phony and robot-like attitude of the children-actors who they say will jump off a cliff if Barney sings a snappy song.

This is indeed sad. These views are likely coming from parents who have treated Barney as their high-tech nanny, parents who have assigned to Barney the sole task of raising their kids. How can they attribute so much evil to a mascot? How can they even make an issue out of the acting of the children performers of the show?

I ask of these parents: Please do not chart a lonely and paranoid childhood for your kids. Be there as they grow up. Don't leave everything to Barney and don't blame him for your own shortcomings.

And together let's sing: I love you, you love me. We're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too....

Diaper Section

Rewind to June 25, 2007

We were at the mall one Sunday, buying stuff for the house. We've avoided this particular aisle for such a long time. But this time, it was the first in our mission: the diaper section.

I was dumbfounded by the expanse of choices (okay, there's some exaggeration here). But how does an inexperienced first-time-as-parents couple make an intelligent choice in buying diapers for the person-beneficiary (yes the baby) who is likewise incapable of expressing her preference. Yes, you're right, we leave it to chance that she doesn't bawl out in the middle of the night because the Velcro (or what do you call that instrument that keeps diapers from falling) - ok let's call it the "thingy", irritates her inner thigh.

First to catch my attention is Huggies. It promises a hug-fit for the baby but what came into my mind is what I can do with Huggies to dispose it. Correct, I can just huggies it at the nearest empty lot (sorry Filipino joke here.)

Pro-kid is also worth trying but I really hope these are pro-parents too. Giggles worry me because that's the last thing I would want my daughter to associate with peeing. Such display might not be acceptable to the formal world. It's just like singing Tim Tam in your head while peeing.

Others are more truthful, straightforward in their brand description. They call their product Weewee. Others tend to really mislead, there's EQ and EQ Dry. What sane parent will let their kid wear a diaper that is not dry.

But there's one diaper that I will never let my child wear. It's called PETPET LAMPIN BAYI PAKAI BUANG. I think this is self-explanatory. I prefer Mamy Poko anytime. It inspires the mommy inside of this street-smart but stay-at-home dad.

Fatherhood, a primer

I became a father three years ago. A miracle came into our lives at a time when I've convinced myself that my wife Mayet and I will spend the rest of our sane lives eating outside, touring the world, reading books and raiding DVD stalls.

Fast-forward. Andie is now 3 and I now work at home, writing for politicians, still hoping to change the world through my principals.

My day starts with our morning coffee while our daughter is still sleeping (because she's still up till 12 in the evening.) Mayet then prepares to leave for office (she works in Makati) and if Andie is already up, she will join me in taking her mother to the FX terminal (to my non-Filipino friends, an FX is a public utility vehicle capable of seating at least 7 persons).

Sometimes, Andie's cousin Tami, will come earlier and she will join our brief joyride. She too stays in our house while her mother works in a nearby bank. Well, I'm not to claim that I'm the miracle worker responsible for taking care of the kids. As if it's a war, we have on our side my mother-in-law, the doting Lola of the girls, and the boys (Tami's brother Liam and Nico) who at the later part of the day will come home from school.

Now, without me giving details, begin imagining my day.